You Can't Think Your Way Out of a Feeling
August 2026 | Episode 017
Because "just push through it" was never actually a strategy.
There's something I hear from leaders all the time, and something I've also felt myself.
I know what I should do. I just can't seem to do it when everything feels like a lot.
This is a classic regulation problem.
This past month, I've been spending time with the work of Dr. Marc Brackett, Ph.D., founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and author of the book Dealing with Feeling.
His research is a good reminder of something I believe deeply: our emotions aren't obstacles to good leadership. They're data. And learning to work with them, rather than around them, is a great place to start.
What Is Emotion Regulation?
Emotion regulation is a set of learned, intentional skills for managing feelings wisely. It's not something we're born knowing how to do, and children and adults alike need modeling, instruction, and practice.
So many of us grew up in environments that treated emotional reactions as weaknesses to manage out of sight. We were taught to push through and stay composed.
But suppression has a cost. When we can't regulate our feelings, every part of life suffers.
The Space Between Stimulus and Response
Dr. Brackett's work centers on something I find really hopeful: the power that lies in the space between stimulus and response. We can't always control what life throws at us, but we are in charge of how we respond.
Neuroscience tells us that when we pause to name our emotions, we decrease activity in the amygdala (the brain's threat detector) and increase activation in the prefrontal cortex, where decision-making and self-control live.
That pause gives us access to ourselves again.
What Builds Regulation?
It starts with awareness: you can't regulate what you don't recognize. Here's what the research, and my work with leaders, points to:
Emotional Self-Awareness - Accurately labeling your emotions, not vague words like "stressed" or "fine." Specificity opens a door that vagueness keeps shut.
Impulse Control - Creating that crucial pause between feeling something and acting on it. That space is where your values live.
Cognitive Reappraisal - Reframing how we see a situation, approaching a tough conversation as a learning opportunity rather than a threat, has been shown to be helpful in getting through difficult moments.
Flexibility - The ability to read a situation and adjust your approach, rather than defaulting to one way of coping.
Self-Compassion - Holding yourself with the same grace you'd offer a trusted colleague who was struggling.
Emotional Support - Dr. Brackett calls them "emotional allies," people who can listen and help us reframe. This isn't a luxury. It's a regulation strategy.
And don't underestimate the basics. Sleep, nutrition, and exercise significantly influence our ability to regulate emotions in the first place.
What This Means for Leaders
An unregulated manager can tank morale and performance in minutes. We've all witnessed this. Most of us have been there ourselves.
But the reverse is equally true. Leaders who regulate well foster higher trust and lower turnover in their organizations. It doesn't erase pain, but what regulation does do is allow us to navigate life's challenges with greater resilience and stability.
Bite-Sized Wisdom for Big Impact from Our Coaches
Before I Go…
Emotion regulation is one of the most consequential skills we can develop. It's the foundation for resilience in the face of stress and for thriving in both personal and professional life.
This is strategic work, and it's EXACTLY what we dig into together in group coaching.
My September cohort is an intimate group coaching experience for leaders who are ready to do the real work: understanding your emotions, regulating them under pressure, and leading from a place of genuine self-awareness. Spots are limited and you can learn more here.
Reach out to me at jillian@mclaughlinmentoring.com to join the interest list. I'd love to have you in the room!
With optimism,
Jillian & Team
McLaughlin Mentoring Inc.