You Already Know the Answer. That's the Problem.
October 2026 | Episode 019
Why the best leaders stop trying to have all the answers.
When was the last time you asked a question you genuinely didn't know the answer to?
I'm not talking about a question to guide someone toward what you already think, or one of those questions you use to fill a silence or those few moments before a meeting starts. I'm talking about a real, curious question that makes you lean in because you actually want to know.
If that's harder to remember than you would like, you're in good company. Most of us were trained to lead with answers, and we're rewarded for having them fast. But the leaders people trust most aren't the ones who always know, they're the ones who know how to ask.
The Case for Curiosity
Leadership researchers at the Center for Creative Leadership recently made a case that stood out to me. They explained that leadership doesn't happen in the answers a leader gives, but rather in the questions that they ask. A good question does something a good answer never can do. It opens a door instead of closing one, and signals to the other person that their perspective actually matters, which is often the fastest way to build trust in a room.
Their research found that the questions leaders ask shape three things at once:
The direction a team moves in
How aligned they feel getting there
How much ownership they take once they arrive.
Ask better questions, and you're literally changing how your team performs!
Telling vs. Asking
There's a subtle but important difference between a question that's actually curious and a question that's just a statement in disguise.
"Have you thought about just doing it this way?" isn't a question. It's an answer wearing a question mark.
A real question doesn't already know where it's going. It starts with "what" or "how." It's often short, too. The longer the question, the more it's usually steering someone toward the answer you wanted in the first place. Lastly, it's focused on the person in front of you, not just the problem you're both trying to solve.
This shift away from telling disguised as asking to actually asking is where trust gets built OR worn away.
A Table Full of Questions
With Canadian Thanksgiving on the calendar this month, here's a low-stakes place to practice: your own dinner table. Instead of "How was your week?" try "What's something that surprised you this week?" You'll be amazed how differently people answer when the question actually leaves room for a real answer. The same muscle you build over turkey is the one you'll use in your next hard conversation at work.
Five Ways to Ask Better Questions
Pause before you jump to answer. The instinct to solve is strong, especially if you've spent years being the person with the plan. Before you respond, ask yourself: would a question serve this moment better than a statement?
Notice your own patterns. Closed questions (think: yes/no or agree/disagree) shut a conversation down before it starts. Open questions leave the door propped open. Spend a day just noticing which kind you default to.
Ask the question you don't want to ask. Curiosity often takes courage, and the most useful question in the room is often the one everyone's avoiding.
Always ask the follow-up. "Tell me more" and "What else?" are two of the most underused phrases in leadership. The real information often lives in the second answer, not the first.
Turn the question inward, too. Before a hard conversation, ask yourself what story you're telling about what you're seeing, and whether there's a different one that's just as true.
Bite-Sized Wisdom for Big Impact from Our Coaches
Where We Come In
Asking better questions is a skill, which means it can be built - and it builds faster with a mirror in the room.
That's a lot of what 1:1 coaching actually is: a space where someone asks you the questions you're too close to your own situation to ask yourself. Where's my ego doing the talking instead of my curiosity? What am I assuming that might not be true? What's the question I've been avoiding? A coach holds that space so you don't have to find it alone, and over time, you start carrying those questions into every room you walk into.
If you've been leading with answers for a while and you're curious what it feels like to lead with questions instead, this is a good season to find out. Book a discovery call here, I'd love to talk it through with you.
With optimism,
Jillian & Team
McLaughlin Mentoring Inc.